When we follow God’s plan for sex and save that and experience it with the person we marry, there is a celebration for all. When we choose not to follow His plan for sex, then there are consequences. When King David committed adultery with Bathsheba there were consequences for his behavior: immediate and long term consequences. Living a life of having sex with every person “we care for” and “love,” involving ourselves in sexual activity with each person we date, or having “friends with benefits” each have consequences. These consequences are in many areas such as intimacy (the non-sexual kind), the ability to have a successful marriage, and even with our self-esteem.
So what do we do if we did not save our sex for marriage? First, we must accept that depending on our previous behaviors, there can be some short and long term consequences that are not to be blamed on God and cannot be avoided. Second, we must know that God does not condemn anyone who is “in Christ” (Romans 8:1). What this means is that we do not need to live our lives in shame if we have repented and changed our lifestyles, regardless of the consequences. If we repent, God is “faithful and just to forgive us of our sins and to cleanse us of all unrighteousness” (I John 1:9). Finally, Now that we have asked God for forgiveness, and we have changed our behaviors, or at least are working towards changing those behaviors, we need to become aware as to how our previous behaviors can impact our lives today and in the future and we must renew our minds as Paul writes in Romans 12: 1-2. We need to change thought patterns, core beliefs, and possibly other behaviors that contribute toward our poor behavioral choices.
I would advocate that this is best done within a community of others. The number of others is not important it can be as little as 2 or as many as 20. The point is that we need others to help us become aware of thoughts and behaviors that we need to challenge and think through. I encourage you to not waste another day, talk with God and repent, immediately stop destructive behaviors, and seek out a group that will work for you. If we can help, please contact us. Nobody needs to be in the struggle alone.