Have you considered that a successful marriage could be the cost for your past sexual behavior?
The Apostle Paul wrote a letter to the Christians living in a city that was filled with free sex. The people who lived in the city of Corinth removed most and sometimes all their guidelines for the expression of sexuality. As you read the letter of I Corinthians, you will develop an understanding of their behaviors. These behaviors involved group sex, sex with different partners, even sex with family members.
Paul tells the Christians there that they had to stop their behavior immediately. He tells them that if their sexual desire rules them, then they should marry one person of the opposite sex and within the covenant of marriage they can enjoy their sexuality.
He went on to recommend to all the single people that they should not get married. He prefaces this statement by saying “because of this present crisis.” Because of their “free sex,” the cost could be a successful marriage. Though he encouraged them to remain single, he did say that if they chose to marry anyway that it was not sin. His warning was to protect them from future heartache.
“But if you do get married, it is not a sin. And if a young woman gets married, it is not a sin. However, those who get married at this time will have troubles, and I am trying to spare you those problems.” (I Corinthians 7:28)
Let’s consider Paul’s advice in the terms of food. For those of us who have removed most or all restraint from how much we eat, there is a cost to be paid. If we desire to live a life within a healthy weight, then we will have to really work hard and possibly have to give up buffets, parties with unlimited food, go without sugar, and implement other restrictions, to help us reach a healthy weight.
The idea here is NOT that an overweight person cannot live a life within a healthy weight. The idea IS that a life lived within a healthy weight will never be as easy for us as it will be for the person who has never abused food. A healthy weight is possible, but it won’t be as easy as it is for a person who has always had a healthy weight.
I understand that there are many reasons for divorce; however, let’s consider that one of the reasons for a large percentage of divorces is related to sexual sin.
The divorce rate in America is approximately:
- 40% for first time marriages
- 60% for second time marriages
- 70+% for third time marriages
- 85% of those who cohabitate prior to marriage divorce
So what can we get out of this?
First, there is never such a thing as “free sex.” Second, if you have lived a life of free sex and you choose to marry, then go into the marriage with a proactive attitude and implement some strategies to ensure the success of your marriage.
I suggest the following:
- Repent of your past and current behaviors of sexual sin
- Stop any current sexual sins
- If needed, seek out professional counseling to address any individual issues
- Seek out a good pre-marital counseling program and successfully complete it
- Seek out an established married couple (10+ years) and ask if they would be willing to mentor you in your marriage for the first year or two. (Don’t be afraid to ask questions, not all marriages that appear to be successful truly are.)
- Continually read books on marriage and friendship.
- Never wait until your issues become overwhelming to ask for help.
- Keep your individual lives focused on God
- Keep your marriage focused on God
- Pray for and with your spouse everyday