Surviving Adultery

Our culture is so sexualized that it promotes freedom of sexual choices, yet wonders why so many marriages fail and why so many of the people who are married involve themselves in adultery.

Adultery is such a gut wrenching ordeal for all the people involved in the “affair;” however, there is hope and divorce is not always the answer.

In today’s post I am including an interview of a couple who experienced adultery and worked through it. The video was produced by lifechurch.tv and I’ve included all four videos on this post.  Each segment is about 10 minutes in length and is well worth the time to view.

Romantic Fantasy vs. Pornographic Fantasy

Marriage is a committed and intimate relationship between a man and a woman involving both physical and emotional intimacy.  Most would agree that the common view is that men have a stronger desire for the physical intimacy and women have a stronger desire for the emotional intimacy.  This can also be seen in the choice of reading or viewing preference.  Men typically are drawn toward reading and video that portray “graphic” sexual acts and women typically are drawn toward “romantic” novels or “chick flicks.”

There are many areas we could consider here, but I would like to suggest that the effects of both are similar—they both present a fantasy world that pulls the married couple away from each other. 

Consider this: a husband and wife are enjoying time at home dedicated for an intimate encounter.   The wife desiring a man who is actively involved in the emotional act of intimacy with her through romance, and the husband desiring a woman who is actively involved in the physical act of intimacy; however, the husband does not involve himself in her desire and the wife does not involve herself in his desire.  So, during their physical act the wife is mentally involved in her “fantasy” of the romantic novel or chick flick and the husband is mentally involved with images of a pornographic video or story.  They are in the present act of sex but lack any true intimacy.

Both the romantic material and the pornographic material contribute toward each person emotionally moving away from their spouse, depriving each of true intimacy, the wife is not satisfied and the husband is not satisfied. The wife is intimate with her novel’s and chick flicks, while the husband is intimate with his pornography in whatever form.

There is not a man alive who could ever be as romantic as a movie or book portrays a character.  A writer or group of writers write and rewrite romantic phrases until the perfect phrase is developed and teams of people work on the lighting and scenery for hours for the right romantic shot for the movie.

There is no woman who could live up to the “sexual acting” of a porn video.  The camera does not record the actress curled up in a corner crying after a pornographic scene and the industry does not advertize the vast amount of woman who participate with one movie to never “act” again because the experience was so degrading and humiliating.

Intimacy develops when the husband overcomes any insecurities, learns how to be romantic, and actually puts forth the effort into the emotional intimacy of the relationship, and the wife overcomes any of her insecurities and becomes active and present in the physical intimacy of the relationship.  We find true intimacy in a God fearing relationship in which each spouse is focused on the intimacies of each other instead of false intimacies of their respective fantasy worlds.

When viewed from this perspective, “romantic novels” and “chick flicks” have the same effect as “pornography.”