When we follow God’s plan for sex and save that and experience it with the person we marry, there is a celebration for all. When we choose not to follow His plan for sex, then there are consequences. When King David committed adultery with Bathsheba there were consequences for his behavior: immediate and long term consequences. Living a life of having sex with every person “we care for” and “love,” involving ourselves in sexual activity with each person we date, or having “friends with benefits” each have consequences. These consequences are in many areas such as intimacy (the non-sexual kind), the ability to have a successful marriage, and even with our self-esteem.
So what do we do if we did not save our sex for marriage? First, we must accept that depending on our previous behaviors, there can be some short and long term consequences that are not to be blamed on God and cannot be avoided. Second, we must know that God does not condemn anyone who is “in Christ” (Romans 8:1). What this means is that we do not need to live our lives in shame if we have repented and changed our lifestyles, regardless of the consequences. If we repent, God is “faithful and just to forgive us of our sins and to cleanse us of all unrighteousness” (I John 1:9). Finally, Now that we have asked God for forgiveness, and we have changed our behaviors, or at least are working towards changing those behaviors, we need to become aware as to how our previous behaviors can impact our lives today and in the future and we must renew our minds as Paul writes in Romans 12: 1-2. We need to change thought patterns, core beliefs, and possibly other behaviors that contribute toward our poor behavioral choices.
I would advocate that this is best done within a community of others. The number of others is not important it can be as little as 2 or as many as 20. The point is that we need others to help us become aware of thoughts and behaviors that we need to challenge and think through. I encourage you to not waste another day, talk with God and repent, immediately stop destructive behaviors, and seek out a group that will work for you. If we can help, please contact us. Nobody needs to be in the struggle alone.
A few weeks ago we attended our nieces wedding. For months I listened to my daughters and wife talk about their plans for what they wanted to wear to the wedding. They went out several times looking for the perfect outfit. My wife’s friend found her the perfect jewelry set to wear with her dress along with the perfect colored purse. There was much excitement built up as the wedding day approached. Everyone in the family kept talking about how much they were looking forward to this day.
All of the talk made me recall my own wedding. To be honest I was a little anxious about the wedding ceremony, but I was anticipating the honeymoon. Matter of fact, after two or three hours of our reception, I asked my father-in-law if there was anything else we needed to do—any pictures, dances, etc. He said everything was done, so I told him we were leaving. I walked out to the dance floor while my wife was doing the electric slide and picked her up over my shoulder and walked her to the car to start our honeymoon. We talk about this with friends every year with laughter.
The day after our nieces wedding, she and her new husband went over to her parent’s home for a while, they were leaving for a cruise four days after the wedding, so they had time to visit with family. They talked about their first night as husband and wife. He told everyone how she took up most of a king size bed nearly pushing him off. And she talked about his snoring. Everyone laughed and this was a happy time for the whole family.
This is how it should be when two people marry. This is possible when we follow God’s plan for relationships, marriage, and sex. If our niece and her husband were to announce to the family in a couple months that she was pregnant, there would be great excitement.
With all the excitement among the family members and friends, the intimacy of the newlywed couple enters a deeper phase; a phase that God created and ordained. God made sure to include this in His Word. Song of Songs 4:9-16 (NLT)
9You have captured my heart, my treasure,c my bride. You hold it hostage with one glance of your eyes, with a single jewel of your necklace. 10Your love delights me, my treasure, my bride. Your love is better than wine, your perfume more fragrant than spices. 11Your lips are as sweet as nectar, my bride. Honey and milk are under your tongue. Your clothes are scented like the cedars of Lebanon. 12You are my private garden, my treasure, my bride, a secluded spring, a hidden fountain. 13Your thighs shelter a paradise of pomegranates with rare spices—henna with nard, 14nard and saffron, fragrant calamus and cinnamon, with all the trees of frankincense, myrrh, and aloes, and every other lovely spice. 15You are a garden fountain, a well of fresh water streaming down from Lebanon’s mountains.
[Young Woman Responds]
16Awake, north wind! Rise up, south wind! Blow on my garden and spread its fragrance all around. Come into your garden, my love; taste its finest fruits.
These poetic verses are intimate, are sexual, are between a man and his wife, and have no shame associated with them. For those of you who are single, this is one of the reasons to live your life with integrity.
For many, this was not or will not be your song because you have already awakened your sexual desires with one or more people. I will address those of you who are in this category in the next post.