Thirst Quenching Porn

“My life is missing something.” Sound familiar? Have you felt this within your heart and you tried to figure what you were missing by looking at a friend’s wife, or somebody’s summer home, or even at someone walking down the street, thinking, “if I only had her.”

As we continue our “Stumped Series” by examining various reasons why we may not be making any progress in our effort toward sexual integrity and just feeling stumped—having no clue why we’re not progressing, I want to suggest another reason why.  Maybe we are stumped because we focus on what we don’t have, what others have, and rarely on what God has done or is doing in our lives.

In the Bible, this idea of looking at what others have or what we don’t have, wishing we had a particular something else, is referred to as “coveting.”

When someone views pornography, reads a steamy romance novel, or wishes they had the spouse of a friend for their own, they create in their minds a thought pattern that what they do or do not have is not good enough.

Some legitimately confuse aspiring to better oneself, or to improve their living condition, or if single desiring to be married as coveting.  There is a difference between good and Godly aspirations and coveting.

To better understand the difference between coveting and aspiring to improve, let’s consider some synonyms of the word covet:

Synonyms:      Crave, envy, hanker for, have eye on, have hots for, itch for, long for, lust after, thirst for, want, wish for, yearn for, ache for, cry out for, dream, hunger for (dictionary.com)

There is nothing within the concept of coveting that causes us to look at our own situations and be thankful for what we have and where we are.  Our coveting takes over our thoughts and lives.

Many men schedule their lives around opportunities to view and act out on pornography and other forms of sexual sin while many women anxiously wait for “alone” time to sit down with a cup of coffee and enter the world of the latest “romance” novel. Men and women secretly schedule rendezvous to engage in sexual sin.

Related Article:

Romantic Fantasy versus Pornographic Fantasy

Maybe we are stumped in our progress for sexual integrity because our eyes and thoughts are not trained to see what God is doing in our own lives.  We are not considering that He is guiding and blessing us in such a way for our benefit.

The other interesting component to coveting is that we are always left unsatisfied.  The covetous want never delivers what we truly desire.  We can only have the desires of our heart satisfied by giving every aspect of our lives to a real and thriving relationship with God through Jesus Christ.

Men and women involve themselves in affairs thinking the new relationship is what’s missing.  They divorce their current spouse and marry or cohabitate with the person of their adultery thinking they will be content, only to discover in time that another affair is required to bring contentment.

Men spend hours viewing pornography thinking it will somehow satisfy their desire for sex and intimacy, while women get lost in volumes of romantic novels thinking the stories will somehow satisfy their desire for romance and intimacy. In both case each are left thirsting for more.

It takes work to change ones thought patterns from a habit of coveting to seeing the blessings around you and the hand of God on your life.  I believe that the best help with this change is a community of believers who have the same desire for integrity.  I encourage you to seek out such a group.

Gratification vs. Fulfillment

 

  • Action Movies, Action Heroes, Action Figures
  • Extreme Zip Lining, Extreme Expeditions, Extreme Kayaking
  • Fast Cars, Fast Bikes, Fast Women

For most men it’s all about the adrenaline—what type of high will be experienced.

How fast can I go from 0 to 60 mph?

I admit going from 0 to 60 in five seconds in a 1968 convertible Firebird with a 400 4-barrel V-8 with the top down is much more exciting than gradually reaching 60 miles per hour in a Chevy Chevette or Kia Rio.

There are times that the rush is ok but we must evaluate the situation and the cost.  If I decide to accelerate the Firebird on a drag strip or even the on-ramp of an interstate, then the cost and satisfaction will be fulfilling; however, if I were to proceed with my desire while sitting at a red light outside an elementary school at dismissal time, then the cost would be too high and the rush lacking with no real fulfillment.

Kayaking down a white water river would be exciting and could provide hours of enjoyment, but kayaking off an extreme waterfall would provide the rush of your life but would somehow be lacking in the end. (As the title slide for this article suggests)

Consider the difference between fulfillment and gratification.   According to dictionary.com, fulfill means “to develop the full potential,” whereas, gratification means “to satisfy; indulge; humor, as one’s desires or appetites.”

As I consider the two words, gratification insinuates a temporary selfishness to it and fulfillment implies something rewarding and lasting for all. 

Pornography, strip clubs, prostitutes, one-night-stands, etc. all have immediate gratification but is selfish on everyone’s part with an extremely high cost.

Yes I will admit that the adrenaline rush may appear to be much higher when we attempt to satisfy our sexuality in a manner outside of God’s guidelines, but it is never fulfilling—it always lacks.

When we compare God’s plan for our sexuality with a selfish act we will see that God’s plan offers an ultimately higher high and is far outlasting than any self-seeking effort toward immediate gratification.

In the above graphic, I’ve attempted to provide a visual representation of my point in this post.  Because the path of integrity is a gradual climb to lasting fulfillment, if you were to measure any section of the climb it would not have the high intensity of adrenaline as desire to gratification provides; however, immediate gratification is always lacking, ultimately is not as high, and is never fulfilling.

Maybe one of the reasons you have been stumped in your cycle of behavior is because you need to step back and assess your situation and realize the effort and time you give and allow is worth lasting fulfillment and Lasting Fulfillment is a rush one can enjoy with all and with a heart of integrity.