To Tell or Not to Tell…the Wife?

To tell or not to tell…the wife?

Over the years I have had men discuss with me whether to tell their wives about their internal lust.  With certain sins this is a “no brainer”; but with others, there tends to be some question.

For a few, they were told to either meet with me or start attending Clean Heart because their wife had discovered their issue.  But then the wife did not want to hear about the issue anymore, almost as if their non-involvement made it easier for them.  Or, maybe they were just uncomfortable and had no idea what to do.

This week I read a book titled, To Kill a Lion, by Bruce Lengeman. He also discussed how he had to make a choice when he started his healing journey.  After his first two counseling sessions he did tell his wife about his lustful heart.  He invited her to be part of his counseling and process of healing.  Somewhat expecting a negative reaction, he was surprised with his wife’s positive response toward his invitation.  Instead of looking down on him, she developed a stronger admiration for him. She viewed his desire to be a man with a heart of sexual integrity as strength instead of viewing his reaching out for help as a weakness.

By no means was he, or I, suggesting that the wife become a husband’s accountability partner.  Accountability partners are more successful and develop less friction if they are of the same sex.  But Pastor Lengeman does advocate that a wife be involved in a husband’s healing process.

So, knowing that there are a number of women, both single and married, who read the Clean Heart for Men blog; I am asking for your input:

  • Would you prefer your husband to tell you or not?
  • Would the type of issue he had determine if you would want to be told or not?
  • Would you want limits on how much he told you?
  •  Would you want to be a part of his counseling and/or healing process?  If you were educated on how to do so, would that matter?
  • Would you view his desire to have a heart of sexual integrity as strength? Or would you view the fact that he has an issue to be weakness?
  • If you were the one with the lustful heart issue, would you want your husband to be a part of your healing process?

I am interested in hearing the thoughts of women: single, married, widowed, or divorced.  Please let us hear your thoughts on the issue.  If you would prefer a form of anonymity, feel free to type in a false name or simply put “clean heart wife” as your name.