Sexy Music

  • What are the current sexual views of our culture? 
  • How have these views influenced my sexual views?

There are many ways to determine society’s sexual views.  We can:

  • Examine the lyrics of  the top songs in various genres
  • We can look at the content of top rated television shows
  • We can look up research articles on the topic
  • We can also just pay attention to the people around us

So we are going to take this and the next three posts to do just that.  In this post we will examine the lyrics of the top songs of today August 16. 2012. top 100 top 5

(1)   Whistle (Flo Rida):  This song is about kissing with an oral sex euphemism through-out.

(2)   Lights (Ellie Goulding):  This song appears to be about remembering your safe times at home with one’s parents and siblings.

(3)   Call Me Maybe (Carly Rae Jepsen):  This song is about a girl who instantly falls for a guy and gives him her number.

(4)    Wide awake (Katy Perry): This song is about a couple who were either married or cohabitating and they have ended their relationship.


“This song in particular is a dose of reality. It’s kind of like coming down from a high. You’ve been on cloud nine for so long, and it can’t always be so sweet and sometimes you need to realize that, and you have to pick yourself up and move forward and face the facts of life and know that this is just a lesson you learn and you’re stronger because of it.” –Katy Perry (


(5)   Payphone (Maroon 5):          The lyrics suggest that a couple had broken up and were living together.  They were married or cohabitating, either way they were sexually involved with each other. top 5 Country Charts

(1)   Angel Eyes (love and theft):  Is about a guy who has an eye on a preacher’s daughter wondering what it would be like to have sex with her.

(2)   Kissed You Good Night (Gloriana):  About a couple who ended their date and each wished they would have kissed goodnight and eventually they do.

(3)   Come Over (Kenney Chesney): This song is about a guy wanting a girl to come over to “warm his bed.”  The guy makes it clear that it does not have to last forever and it does not matter if they work things out, he just wants her in his bed.

(4)   Over (Blake Shelton): This song is about someone wanting to win another over.  The song appears to be appropriate but I do want to point out that it is another song about a relationship.

(5)   Pontoon (Little Big Town):  This song is about a party out on a pontoon boat on the lake.

These songs suggest the following views on sex:

  • Oral sex between two people who are not married is acceptable
  • Cohabitation is acceptable
  • Divorce is acceptable (I realize this is a separate issue.  I bring it up to just suggest that society views divorce as not being a choice of last resort with conflict in marriage)
  • One night stands are acceptable
  • Lusting (imagining sex) in one’s mind for another is acceptable

The songs provide a little insight into societal views on sex.  You could argue that the view is only from the writer of the song but songs don’t get to be at the top of the charts if the public is not requesting them.  Most people enjoy musical lyrics they identify with.

One major theme in all of these songs is “relationships”.  Our society is obsessed with relationships yet our society has a difficult time with the One who created us for relationship with each other and with Him.

Next up we will look at some television shows.

Sex ED: the Christian Alternative to Sex

Oral Sex—the Christian Alternative to Sex

As a teen going to church camp I was taught that anything below the neck is considered sex.  So, we would joke by suggesting if we were to stand upside down then everything above the neck would be OK.

As we continue our SEX ED series, let’s consider the sexuality of oral sex.  I am obviously referring to this activity involving those who are single, or participating with someone other than his or her spouse.  As with many of the topics we discuss on the Clean Heart for Men blog, they may be uncomfortable for some, but necessary to discuss.  Ignoring these uncomfortable issues does not change the fact that they are issues among society and the church.

I decided to address this topic a couple of months ago when my wife told me about an ad she saw for a book titled, Oral Sex: the New Kiss Goodnight.

According to several articles in the New York Times, and, over 50% of teens 15 to 19 years of age have engaged in both the giving and receiving of oral sex.  The assumption would be that females would have a higher percentage of giving than receiving when compared to males, but research has revealed the percentages to be virtually the same for each gender.

When the ages are broken down the results show that 42% of teens 15-17 years have participated and over 70% of teens 18-19 have engaged in oral sex. 

These stats are representative of the American society as a whole, but what about the Christian community?  A 2003 Northern Kentucky University study of people who had signed sexual abstinence cards revealed 61% had broken their pledge.  Of the remaining 49% who said they had not broken their pledge, 55% admitted to engaging in oral sex and did not believe that to be sex (

Recently, I had a pastor friend of mine call to discuss how he could help a man in his church that had discovered his wife had been “friendly” with another man and had given that friend oral sex, and she did not consider her behavior to be wrong.

Here is the truth. Regardless of how one attempts to rationalize their behavior, most men have no issue with their wife shaking hands with another man or even giving another man a kiss on the cheek. I have yet to have a man, Christian or not, admit that he would have no problem with his wife giving a family friend or total stranger oral sex; unless he was so into sexual sin that his conscience was seared.

So other than, “it feels good,” why do we try to rationalize this type of behavior outside the covenant of marriage?  How can people consider this activity to not be sexual, when even the name has “sex” in it?

I suggest for the exact same reasons we involve ourselves with sexual intercourse outside of marriage.  The act of sex provides a sense of intimacy, but when we establish our relationship on the act of sex and not on the foundation of Christ, we set up our relationship for failure. 

Instead of trying to justify and rationalize any form of sex outside of marriage, let’s place our relationship with Jesus as our main priority and simply take him at His Word. Instead of having an attitude that is focused on “how much I can focus on myself before I hurt my relationship with God;” let’s develop an attitude that is focused on “what I can do to better my relationship with God.”  Instead of thinking, “how far can I go before I ruin my marriage,” or future marriage, let’s focus our thoughts on, “how I can honor God in my marriage and honor my wife.”

If you are a believer and have already crossed that line or have established a repeating pattern, I encourage you to first repent—ask God for forgiveness, determine to not repeat the behavior until you are married, and ask a Christian brother or sister (person of the same sex) you trust for help.  If you are a man, you can also find help at a Clean Heart for Men meeting.

Let’s resolve to stop justifying or rationalizing reasons to not follow God at His Word.