Virgin Bounty (Sexual Endurance 5 of 6)

I remember sitting as a senior in my graphic arts class, late last century, as the topic of sex came up with the student discussion.  Each of the guys in the group was describing their sexual conquests, and I just sat there quietly doing my work, when I was asked about mine.

I told them that I had none and that my intention was to wait until I was married.  They started laughing at me, saying, “You’re still a virgin?”  I recall feeling embarrassed.  The funny thing was within my peer group at church, I would have been embarrassed to answer otherwise.  As I sat there in my class I counted the minutes to the bell so I could leave.  As I endured those few minutes feeling what felt like humiliation, I was actually strengthening my character.  I thought that when I got older, situations like that would never again occur.

I was somewhat surprised a few months back when I heard an adult man tell his story of other adult men teasing him for attending Clean Heart for Men.  He was teased because his desire to live a clean and pure life seemed so contrary to the typical thinking of men.  They were saying, “You don’t like looking at naked women?”

Sometimes a man may find himself to be a 40 year old virgin and decide to stop waiting for his bride.  Or a married man who would like sex much more than his wife may rationalize there is nothing wrong with “getting a little on the side.”

In both scenarios there can be various reasons for their circumstances; however, the pure and clean life requires endurance—sexual endurance.

“Think of all the hostility he endured from sinful people; then you won’t become weary and give up.  After all, you have not yet given your lives in your struggle against sin.” (Hebrews 12:3)

Jesus was focused on the end result of his life.  He finished His race with perfection.  In the end He was all alone as He suffered the ridicule, mockery, beating, and crucifixion from the people He came to help.

“At noon, darkness fell across the whole land until three o’clock. At about three o’clock, Jesus called out with a loud voice, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” which means “My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?” (Matthew 27: 45, 46)

Regardless of your situation, I encourage you to consider that even in Jesus’ final moments, in this life, as he felt abandoned by the Father, He did not alter His course.  He remained faithful to His calling and purpose.

You may feel alone; you may feel like no one is in your corner; you may feel like even God himself has left you alone, DO NOT GIVE UP!  Are you willing to give your life in your struggle against sin?  Jesus did…for you!  You give it for your Bride!

Consider this:  You go to work and gain a lot of notoriety for your job performance.  One day after work someone asks you if you are a virgin.  Instead of replying, “That is none of your business,” you reply, “I am saving myself for my spouse.”

Then the next day you find out some company has placed a one million dollar bounty out for anyone who can prove they had sex with you.  This company hates the fact that someone would save their sex for the one they marry.

This is exactly what has happened to Tim Tebow of the New York Jets.  A company named ashleymadison with a slogan, “Life is short. Have an affair,” has issued this bounty.  I personally think it is just a way to get free advertizing, but why is Tebow’s virginity worth so much to them?

Possibly because sexual integrity does matter, whether you are single or married.  God is not against sex, He created it.  He cares for us and with something as sacred and mysterious as sex; He only wants to protect us so we can fully enjoy His wedding gift with no baggage.

What is your virginity worth?  How much does someone have to pay for you to trade your sexual integrity?  A lack of sexual integrity has a high cost; I tend to think the cost is too high.  The trade is not worth the value.


Sex ED: Sex Before Marriage

If we are engaged to be married, is sex before the wedding day acceptable to God?

You may think that if it was understood that the only “God approved sex” is between a woman and a man within the covenant of marriage, then nothing else would have to be taught on the issue.  The 20th chapter of the Old Testament book of Leviticus is filled with rules concerning sexual relations.  As I have said before, people are people regardless of the time and place in which they live.  Even in the beginning days we were trying to rationalize God’s guidelines.

The people in the ancient city of Corinth were living as some would describe “sexually free.”  The Apostle Paul addressed the concerns he had for the Christian believers in that city, saying, “I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible.   But if a man thinks that he’s treating his fiancée improperly and will inevitably give in to his passion, let him marry her as he wishes.” (I Corinthians 7: 35-36)

Paul was providing an argument as to why the immoral people in the church should remain single without engaging in sex, but then he points out that the goal is to serve God with one’s best. Having sex with your fiancée would inhibit this.

In our current society, our proposed question could probably drop the engagement part.  A more appropriate question might be, “is it acceptable to have sex with someone we really love?” Or maybe, “someone we truly care about?”  Or, “with someone I date?” Or, “what about friends with benefits?”

With questions like these, I again, offer my argument that sex is God’s wedding gift.  If we attempt to develop any other rationalized mentality, then we are being self-focused and not God-focused.  A better question to ask at this point would be, “am I more concerned about my relationship with God, or fulfilling my sexual desires in a manner other than the way God intends?”

The dilemma here is not a concern for our relationship with God versus our relationship with our girlfriend or fiancée, because that dilemma would be impossible.  If we truly cared about our relationship with our girlfriend or fiancée, then we would first focus on our relationship with God.  Focusing on a desire for intimacy with someone outside the covenant of marriage only ruins the relationship and ultimately serves a destructive selfish ambition. But, focusing on our relationship with God and conducting our relationships with others including friends, a date, girlfriend, or fiancée in a manner consistent with the Bible’s teaching serves not only you but the other person until the day of your marriage…and beyond!

Don’t think you can successfully bypass the consequences of ungodly behavior.  The Bible states in Galatians 6: 7-8, “Don’t be misled—you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant.  Those who live only to satisfy their own sinful nature will harvest decay and death from that sinful nature.  But those who live to please the Spirit will harvest everlasting life from the Spirit.”

So, if you are a believer and are currently involved in a dating relationship or are engaged and you have involved yourselves in sexual activity, I encourage you to:

  • Ask God for his forgiveness
  • To stop the sexual behavior
  • Start to focus on your relationship with God
  • Conduct yourself in a manner pleasing to God
  • Focus on being your girlfriend or fiancée’s friend

And if your relationship does result with marriage, wait to be lovers until after the wedding, then you can be confident that you marriage has a foundation of being God-focused instead of being self-focused.